I am by nature an introvert. I like what my mother calls "deep thinky thoughts;" to recharge my batteries, I need alone time. I also love to analyze things. All of these things that I am naturally drawn to are the enemies of greater happiness.
I often resist the term "happiness." I have philosophical problems with it. Is it a worthy goal? Perhaps I should strive for quiet contentment or mindful awareness. Hmm, let me struggle with the ideas for a while. No! Get out of your head! Stop analyzing everything and just DO something different. But what? I have tons to do, lots to keep me busy, but I find these activities, chores and duties unfulfilling. So, what now?
I picture the type of person I want to be. I want to be like this woman I met in grad. school who did yoga and centering prayer every day for the past 12 years. She had a softness to her. She was quiet, warm, but glowed. Cliche's I suppose, but all true and very rare. I want to be like her. Instead, I analyze, stress, yearn, ache, and worry. And then I berate myself for these things and feel hopeless about ever being any different.
Stop. Don't go there (again and again). Do something different. Picture her. Channel her. And so I just smile like I think she did. And . . .Oh . . . My. . . God. It works. I actually feel instantly better just having a soft smile on my face. How can that be? Who cares. It works. Keep it up, I say!
I will fake it 'til I make it. I'm not warm, glowy, and content, but if I go through all the motions as if I were, I sure am a lot closer to being like that than with anything else I can try today.
Signed, with soft eyes, a gentle smile, and more happiness.
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