In another blog entry, I mentioned that I didn't really like the term "happiness" and had "philosophical problems" pursuing it. --Gee, what a downer. Who says stuff like that?! Now we know why I'm not naturally happy go lucky with thoughts like this!
I realize what the problem is: my image of happiness. I resist becoming "happy happy" because I picture a bubbly, wide eyed blond, who is a high energy, cheerleader type whose name ends with an "i" and who dots that "i" with a circle (or worse, a smiley face or heart). That's not me; that's not even the me I would aspire to become.
You can't pursue and achieve a goal unless you have a clear image of that goal (and have a strong desire to achieve that goal). So, I need to realize what happiness would look like for me in detail, what specific, "best possible," happy image of myself would I like to cultivate.
I'm drawn to a quiet kind of happy (vs. the rah-rah, go, go, go, life of the party kind of happy).
Ok, for me: A quiet kind of happy. I need a role model. The only role models I can think of are people I don't know personally. My archetypal image is of one of the many twinkly-eyed, always smiling Buddhist monks who seem so gentle, warm and kind.
Me smiling, warm, gentle, and twinkly-eyed? That's pretty hard to imagine too, but it is more achievable than a super extroverted, high energy kind of happy.
I'm picturing trying on my quiet kind of happy as if it were a soft, warm coat in winter.
I like it. Now this feels like a good fit.
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