It's very in to write off the "toxic" people in our lives. If you've ever read The Secret, read books by John Bradshaw, or listened to Oprah Winfrey, you've heard this message. I have many friends who buy into this pop psych 101 advice: They talk about their dads, sisters, friends, etc. and say things like, "She's just too depressing for me to be around" or, "He's JUST so NEGATIVE!"
Over the past month three different friends of mine have talked about their experiences with toxic relatives. They each seem to come to a similar conclusion: "WHY do they complain so much?! I mean, it could be worse! Get over it."
Well, here's the problem I have with all this business: Many act as though they've managed life's challenges better and so demand that others do the same; they've got IT, and the rest need to get over themselves and get it too just as they have. But alas, if it's so thin and fragile that you have to constantly protect it by completely booting out someone from your life, then how strong of a hold do you really have on your happiness?
I'm not advocating that anyone take back the "toxic" people in their lives. I'm asking for a little more humbled empathy. Instead of complaining about the complainers, take the stance, "There but for the grace of God, go I."
The problem with criticizing or dismissing "toxic" people is that oftentimes what is really being said is, "If I don't keep my distance from complaining, negative people, then I'll feel the same way!" Uh, yeah. Exactly: then you would feel the same way. If that is all it takes to bring you down, then what stands in between "you," (those above the negativity) and "them" (those in the midst of it) is just a thin, thin line.
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